Steve was intent on getting another Audi as soon as the previous company Audi A6 was returned in Switzerland. He hated our other car, and even though he denies it, made sure everyone knew it when he adjusted the driving position. The seat eventually crunching along the sliding rail and reluctantly locking into position for Steves shorter legs. The 10 year old Ford Focus was a car I always felt I had an understanding with, we had been through thick and thin together, refusing to give it up when it had two problems with the Camshaft position sensor and the Fuelpump (both sorted out with the aid of my dad and his German internet surfing…) I felt genuinely sad when I had to sell it in July. It had a good turning circle and more importantly for Swiss underground car parks, I could fit it into a space without its bottom overhanging the white lines (when you are in Switzerland, you can identify the foreigners by the fact they park sensibly facing nose out from the space, the Swiss always drive forwards into the space, and in some car parks we parked in they actually insist on this!). In addition to this, the car was also narrow, and I had no problem getting it to fit. When Steve was given a company Audi A6 last year, he was over the moon, loved the car with its’ amazing fairy light effect of the interior equipment lights as they glowed around the front seats, something akin to an aircraft cockpit. It took me a while to get used to the sheer width and length increase. The only reason I drove it in Switzerland was because the fuel was paid for by the company, and that the seats were admittedly really comfortable, however I resolutely refused to take it into underground car parks, particularly into Gartenstadt, Muechenstein, which had very tight turns indeed.
Now back in the UK, Steve went on the search for a new car. He tried convincing himself that he could buy a VW Passat (which is what we had before we left for Switzerland in 2003) and put all the extras on it. He made up his virtual car to find the cost was the same as a second hand 1 year old Audi. He bought the A6. Don’t get me wrong, I find the car fine, but for school pick up and drop off, and driving down narrow lanes, I don’t always feel confident about the width of the car. Sometimes, I feel, if I could, I would drive with the parking sensors on all the time. That situation arose on a number of occasions on the way to school yesterday. Imagine a minimal width B Class road and 2 school buses meeting coming in opposite directions, they barely scrape past each other, let alone cars standing in the road behind them. The traffic grinds to a holt. Stress levels increase. I do find that if I imagine the Audi as a stress- free bubble in which I drive, I tend to be less irritated, pressured or aggravated by other peoples driving, however reckless they may be. As a result, I am publishing the Wokingham and Finchampstead area amended version of the Highway Code which many of my fellow road users seem to abide by:
- 1) When approaching a waiting queue of traffic due to railway barriers being down, always overtake the waiting queue of traffic on the wrong side of the road to turn right. Don’t worry about the oncoming traffic which may have right of way as published in the official Highway code.
- 2) When the orange warning lights on rail crossings show, squeeze across the crossing, and sit across the rail tracks, even if the traffic is stationary at the roundabout on the other side. It’s only a little dangerous if the barriers are descending onto the roof of your vehicle and the train is visible on the track coming towards you at speed.
- 3) White lines in the middle of a road and Junction markings only serve as the roughest of guidelines as to your road position. Feel free to drive across these at any time you so wish, even in the event of meeting oncoming traffic or cars waiting to emerge from a junction.
- 4) The speed limits are again only an indicator of what speed should be safe to drive. Feel free to exceed the limit wherever you suspect there are no traffic camera or speed traps. This includes 20 mph Zones around schools. Try to accelerate as fast as possible try to exceed the limit by at least 10mph if you can, and weave around parked cars without due regard for school children or other oncoming traffic.
- 5) At school pickup time, always park your car on double yellows or within about 10cm of a junction. Don’t worry about the obstruction for other road users, after all, you’re only going to be a couple of minutes. Also, ensure that if you are parking a large 4x4, park as quickly as possible, preferably at an angle, so that you use 1.5 spaces.
- 6) Special ruling for drivers of Mercedes cars: If an Audi driver choses the outside lane of 2 possible lanes to continue straight over at traffic lights and this lane merges after the lights, drive as close as possible to the car in front of you. DO NOT YIELD. Only yield if the Audi driver resorts to a barging technique, and you are genuinely worried you may lose the Mercedes logo off the bonnet of your car or your paintwork may be affected.
- 7) Speed bumps: where streets have had traffic calming measures inconveniently installed, and the car in front is driving too slowly, ensure you overtake them on the speed bumps, and drive at at least 30mph plus. Time is money. Do not worry that you will be paying for a new set of shock absorbers and/or suspension work to be done later on your trashed car.
Well, here’s hoping I can get used to these new rules, and to the new car…..
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